I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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