i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
