Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
