I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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