ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
