your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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