Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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