i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
