i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
