I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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