They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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