I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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