im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
