The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
