i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
