Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize