A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
