i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
