somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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