Your dad touched me again.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
