Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
