I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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