were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
