and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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