I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize