for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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