party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
