She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
