I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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