I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
