dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
