I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
