How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
