so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
