Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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