if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
