Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
