I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
