don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
