oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
