You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
