Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
