he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
