Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize