if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
