I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
