I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry about my life...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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