Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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