I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
