did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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