Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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