Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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