Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...

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(940): View more from Texas

Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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(602): View more from Arizona

When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

(410): View more from Maryland

engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap

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(518): View more from New York

Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?

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(512): View more from Texas

So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?

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(678): View more from Georgia

Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before

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