if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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