i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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