I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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