dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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