big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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