When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
