Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Drake has all the answers
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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