Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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