Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are the jesus of drinking
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
