Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize