R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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