I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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