i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
