so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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