How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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