I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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