HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
