My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
