She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
