Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
