I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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