never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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